Finally Understanding
by kjayla
Summary: Merlin is tired. Bone deep exhausted. And he's going to take a holiday until he isn't. And little does he know that that decision will change everything. But most of all it will change Merlin. AU after 5X02.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I do not own Merlin. I should think that fairly obvious though.**

**This story mainly came to be because I felt like Merlin had quite honestly been through enough. And that he never really got the chance to breathe and come to terms with everything. And I think that if he had it would have made a difference. Hence this story.**

**I do hope you enjoy.**

Merlin was tired. One of those bone weary, heart heavy, soul sighting exhaustions. He needed a break. And badly.

He had come to this conclusion midway through one of his frequent rants to Gaius. Gaius was ignoring him for the most part, which was understandable. He already knew what Merlin was going to say. Arthur was a prat who refused to listen to reason and who continued to get himself into potentially deadly situations, which Merlin then had to save him from, while continuing to act like an idiotic servant. After saving Arthur he would then have to deal with Arthur telling him just how worthless he was. And he was tired of it.

He knew that Arthur didn't mean it, or at least not all of it. But it had been nine years and sometimes Arthur still treated him the same way he had on that first day. And he was tired.

It was then that it hit Merlin. It had been nine years since he had had a holiday. Nine Years. Of course it wasn't like he could just take off whenever he wanted, Arthur was constantly getting into trouble.

But for the first time in nine years there was another magic user who had a sworn duty to protect Arthur.

He hesitated at the thought. He didn't really trust Mordred. He had been listening to the dragon for such a long time, and the dragon was pretty explicit when he declared that Mordred was not to be trusted.

But… Mordred had stabbed Morgana…

And Merlin was tired.

So tired.

So that was that. He turned to Gaius who was watching him with a raised eyebrow. Merlin beamed at him. "Gaius, I'm taking a holiday."

Gaius blinked once, apparently surprised. Merlin grinned in victory, it was getting harder to surprise Gaius, he knew Merlin far to well.

"A holiday?" he asked, "You're taking a holiday."

Merlin nodded. "Yes, I feel as though I've been working non-stop for nine years, and the only time I'm not working is when I'm too injured to move out of the bed. So I'm taking a holiday."

"And who's going to protect Arthur while you're off in this… holiday?"

Merlin grinned "Mordred of course. He's a talented magic user who's sworn to protect Arthur."

Another raised eyebrow. "I was under the impression that you didn't trust Mordred."

Merlin scowled, "Well, yes. But the dragons been wrong before… I think. And Mordred did stab Morgana. And you have said that everyone deserves a chance. So I'm going to trust Mordred to keep Arthur safe while I'm on holiday."

Gaius stared at him, and Merlin felt proud. He had completely shocked Gaius today. It had been far to long since he had done that.

"Well, have fun telling Arthur."

Merlin snorted. "Arthur isn't going to know until George shows up to wake him and Gwen up. I almost wish I could see his face when that happens, but I'll be to busy being on holiday."

It was Gaius' turn to snort. "Arthur will be rather frustrated when you get back." He paused. "Is there a reason for this sudden desire to take a holiday?"

Merlin sighed as he sat down across from Gaius, all humor briefly leaving his face. "Gaius, I'm tired. I'm tired of being stepped on and stepped over, I'm tired of having people mock me because I'm willing to take it. Don't get me wrong. I love Arthur and the knights, but sometimes they forget that I'm actually real, not a person around for them to torment for fun. They left me Gaius. They left me in the caves, and I could have easily died. And none of them came back for me. I'll be honest, I'm a feeling a little bitter. And I need to get rid of this bitterness before it gets out of hand. And I'm tired of having the weight of some great destiny weighing solely on my shoulders. And I've been dealing with this for nine years, and I've never really had a chance to just… breathe. And I need it Gaius, I need a chance to breathe, or I'm going to crack."

Gaius gave his ward a smile. "I understand. And I suppose a short holiday wouldn't hurt. You will keep this holiday short won't you?"

The smile was back on Merlin's face. "I suppose you'll have to define short for me." And with that he jumped up and was out the door.

Gaius frowned a bit. Something told him that the next little while would be pure chaos.

* * *

Mordred was walking down the hallway deep in thought when he was unceremoniously pulled from his thoughts as Emrys grabbed him. He frowned. Emrys had made it quite clear that he didn't trust Mordred. So Mordred felt himself get a little nervous when he saw that Emrys was beaming at him. He wondered briefly if Emrys had somehow become enchanted. Because it made no sense for Emrys to be smiling quite so delightedly at him.

"Mordred, I have something important to tell you."

He kept his face impassive even as he felt himself become confused. "Something important?" Emrys was still beaming and it was starting to make Mordred feel uncomfortable.

"Indeed, as of tomorrow, you are officially in charge of keeping Arthur alive as his secret magical guardian." Mordred blinked at the man standing in front of him. What had happened to the Emrys who wouldn't trust him within a mile of the King?

"Secret Magical Guardian?"

Emrys nodded sagely. "Yes, normally that involves making sure no one kills him, or the rest of the knights for that matter. Make sure none of them get enchanted or possessed. Stop any attempts to take over Camelot, make sure no magical beasts kill them, or trick them, or do anything else untoward. Basically you have to babysit them without them knowing that they're being babysat. You shouldn't need to worry too much though. Gaius is going to be here, and he knows how to deal with most of the problems that may or may not come up. If you're lucky nothing much will happen, but you never really know."

Mordred blinked. And then blinked again. "Where are you going to be? Why are you trusting me with this?"

Emrys gave him a piercing look "Are you saying I shouldn't be able to trust you with this."

Mordred wanted to sigh with relief that sounded much more like the Emrys he had been starting to get used to. Then he frowned. Didn't he want Emrys to trust him? "No no! You can trust me. I'm just wondering what's come up that would necessitate you entrusting this to me."

Emrys beamed again. "I am taking a holiday! But do me a favor, don't mention that I told you this to Arthur; he might want to thrash you during practice if he knew that I told you without telling him. And Gwaine will probably be offended too now that I think about it." He trailed off for a moment a small grin spreading over his face. "But anyways, I haven't had a break in nine years, and I need to take one now, or I might end up doing or saying something rash."

Mordred nodded slowly. "Ok then… I suppose I can be the…" he paused and glanced at Emrys.

"Arthur's secret magical guardian. But maybe we should call you the secret magic protector of Camelot. That's probably more accurate."

Mordred nodded, "Alright, I'll be the secret magic protector of Camelot while you're gone then."

Emrys beamed at him again. "Wonderful." And then he turned and set off again. He was just around the corner when he turned around again. "Oh, and do try to stop any plagues or invasions that may or may not occur." And with that he was gone.

Mordred was still standing where Emrys had left him. He was delighted that Emrys had apparently resolved whatever conflict he had with him and decided to trust him. And he was honestly a little excited to have a reason to use magic. But there was a small part of him that was filled with slight dread. Invasions and plagues? How was he supposed to stop those if they did happen? He shook his head minutely and started towards his chambers. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

George tried to hide his irritation. He had just caught sight of that Merlin boy, and he really didn't want to have to deal with him now. Of course he was careful not to say that out loud. Last time he had insulted Merlin, Mary, the cook, had whacked him with a ladle, declaring that Merlin was the sweetest, kindest, most adorable boy she had ever met. She seemed to forget that he was in his late twenties. Actually, now that he thought of it, the majority of the older female servants seemed to adore Merlin. Something about how he was adorable and sweet and ever so polite. George suspected some sort of conspiracy, because Merlin was a clumsy menace. Just the other day he had dropped all of the Kings armor as he came into the armory. George had been horrified. Think of the dents, and it would certainly require at least another coat of polish after such horrible manhandling. He shuddered slightly. He had tried, really, to help the boy realize what an honor it was to polish the Kings armor. But the impudent boy had merely given him an incredulous but amused look. George had been highly affronted.

"George, George!" He held back a shudder. Now he had to actually talk to the pesky, insolent boy!

"Yes, Merlin" He didn't even try to hide the sound of superiority in his voice. Really, it should at least be 'George, sir' the boy might be the Kings Manservant, but George had been on staff much longer than he had.

"George, it has occurred to me, that in the past nine years I have yet to have a holiday. Now it has occurred to me that it's really quite time for me to take one." George gave him a disbelieving look. Why did the boy seem to think that he would care? "But as I was considering this I realized, but who will look after Arthur?" George squared his shoulders a little. Trying to look superior, if he was reading this right George was about to get a promotion. "And it occurred to me, well he is the King after all, and he certainly deserves the best. And that's when I decided, I must ask George if he'll be the Kings Manservant while I'm taking my holiday." George tried to look thoughtful, as though he had to consider the proposal.

"Well, I suppose I could do so." He gave a longsuffering sigh. "I'll do it for the King." He tried to hide his smirk. After having George for a manservant there was no way that the King would want to have Merlin back, it was obvious that George was a far superior servant. This holiday would probably mean the end of Merlin's job as the Kings Manservant. Well, it wasn't going to be George's fault, the silly boy asked him to do this.

The boy gave him a bright smile. "Thank you George, I've made sure he already has everything he needs tonight, but if you could begin tomorrow."

George smiled. "Of course!" Tomorrow his job as the Kings manservant would begin. By the time that Merlin got back it would likely be permanent.

"Do you think you could give him this letter, it explains why I chose you to replace me." George puffed out his chest and took the letter.

"I suppose I could do so."

The boy beamed at him again. "Thanks again!" then he turned and ran off. George thought he heard the sound of someone tripping. And a small smirk crossed his face. He couldn't wait. Tomorrow he would show the King how a true manservant behaved. The poor clumsy buffoon of a manservant didn't stand a chance.

* * *

Merlin stuck his head into the kitchen to see if any of the cooks were there. He spotted Mary and headed over. So far everything was going to plan. Mordred was going to protect the kingdom in his absence; Gaius had agreed to help Mordred if the need arose; and George was going to serve Arthur while he was gone. He snickered a little. That was going to drive Arthur mad. George was the best… traditional manservant. Unfortunately those were Arthur's least favorite kind. But really, it served Arthur right, he was constantly complaining about how horrible a manservant he was; well now he could have the manservant he always wanted. One that didn't call him an insufferable prat whenever they felt like it. Yes, things were definitely going to plan.

"Merlin dear, what brings you to the kitchen, I thought you already brought the King and Queen their dinners?" Merlin sent a smile at the kindly cook.

"Yes, I did. I'm here for something else actually."

Mary smiled at him. "Well, what can I help you with dear?"

Merlin blushed. Mary made him feel like he was a lot younger than he actually was. She seemed to think he was still a teenager. Actually the majority of the older women treated him like he was still a teenager. "Well, you see, I realized today, that I've worked for the prince for nine years. But I've never actually taken any of the holidays we're allowed."

Mary let out a shocked gasp. "You dear boy, you've never had a holiday. No wonder you're skin and bones, you must have been working yourself to the ground."

Merlin gave her a small smile. He was not skin and bones, but that was beside the point. "So I decided that I'd like to take a holiday now. And I was hoping that maybe you could provide me some food for the first few days. Just enough to get me to Ealdor to see my mother. I'll be fine from there."

Mary looked delighted. "Oh, that's an excellent idea. I'll have something prepared tonight, and you can come and get it in the morning before you leave. I'll let the morning shift cooks know that it's waiting for you."

Merlin beamed at her. "Thank you so much Mary! It means the world to me."

Mary blushed and shooed him away. "Oh hush boy, you should go get some rest, you have a journey in the morning."

Merlin left the kitchen laughing. Mary smiled after him fondly. That boy worked himself to the ground looking after both the King and Gaius. And he was always so sweet and helpful, and really, Mary couldn't blame the younger girls for being interested in him, though the poor boy was completely oblivious to their attention. She shook the thought away. The boy really was far to skinny; she'd have to make sure he had a virtual feast for his journey tomorrow.

* * *

Merlin popped back into the chambers he shared with Gaius. "It's all in place Gaius, I should be able to leave in the morning. Mordred knows it's his job to protect Camelot, George has agreed to be the King's manservant and Mary said she'd prepare me some food for the journey tomorrow."

Gaius looked up from the cough potion he was making. "I see. And where will you be headed first on your holiday?"

Merlin sent him an incredulous look. "I'm going to visit my mum of course! And then I have several other places I'm going to drop by." He was beaming again. "This is going to be wonderful, I'm already starting to feel more relaxed!"

Gaius sent an appraising look at his ward. He was pleased, though he wasn't going to tell Merlin that. He had watched as the boy started to sacrifice everything for Arthur. His sleep, his time, his own well being. It was good for the boy to take this chance to find himself again. He had seen the look in Merlin's eyes. He looked as though he was drowning and nothing Gaius did seemed to be helping. Maybe this was what Merlin needed. And he wasn't going to lie; he was interested to see what Arthur would do without Merlin around. The King might protest and say that he didn't need Merlin. But Gaius had a feeling Arthur didn't realize just how much he depended on Merlin. These next few weeks were going to be interesting. And lonely. He at least didn't lie to himself. He had grown to depend on Merlin too. But Merlin needed this, and he wasn't going to make Merlin feel guilty for doing it.

**AN: I am not a wonderful writer, I understand that. So I apologize for any confusion that you may have felt at any point, and I doubly apologize if your eyes burned from the mess. However, I enjoy writing. So I will update this story, hopefully this fact doesn't cause anyone despair.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hello! Just in case you were confused, I don't actually own Merlin. Sigh...**

**Sorry, this chapter was a little shorter than I wanted it to be. But I felt like that was the natural cut off place... So I cut it off there... But don't worry! I've already got plans for the next chapter... And I'm a little excited...**

**I do think I should give you a short warning... This Fic will have moments of seriousness and moments of... not so seriousness... And I'll try to keep everything balanced and all... but I'm an amateur. It's a fact.**

**Second warning... I'm only halfway sure I know where I'm going with this fic... So... It may change direction at anytime... But I THINK I know what I'm doing.**

**Cheers!**

Arthur was baffled when he woke up. Firstly because he was fairly certain that he was never woken up this early. Secondly, because he was fairly certain that the voice that had woken him up had been polite. And thirdly because he was fairly certain that Merlin would never wake him up on time or politely.

Which is why he wasn't completely surprised when he realized it wasn't Merlin that had woken him up. He wasn't happy about it though. He blinked a few times to more fully wake himself up.

"George." He frowned. Why was George waking up. He felt a sudden panic. Had something happened to Merlin? He had seemed fine last night. "George, where's Merlin?"

George gave him a short bow. "I'm not completely certain sire, however he did leave a letter for me to give to you My Lord."

A letter. What?

"May I see this… letter?" Why on earth would Merlin write him a letter?

George gave another short bow. "Of course sire." And then with a very over exaggerated flourish he produced a letter from a pocket and handed it to Arthur.

Arthur frowned at it. A letter? He didn't know why, but the fact that Merlin had written him a letter was beyond bizarre to Arthur. He opened the letter as George began to clean his chambers. And was completely silent while doing so. Which was strangely unnerving to Arthur.

He brushed off the thought as he began reading the letter.

_Arthur,_

_How's George? Wonderful I hope. _Arthur snorted, he could practically hear the sarcasm. _Presumably you're wondering where I am. But first I'm going to give you some random trivia._

_In the nine years I have worked for you, I have never had a Holiday. _Arthur frowned. Never? Surely Merlin was exaggerating. He must be. Wasn't he?

_If you added together all of the Holiday time I've collected from nine years of service it adds up to three months. _Arthur froze. No, Merlin better not be thinking what Arthur thought he was thinking.

_And I don't feel like coming to work for the next little while._

_And if you haven't figured out what's going on yet, than you are an idiot._ No, unfortunately Arthur knew exactly where Merlin was going with this. _But don't worry. I won't be gone for a full three months. Probably. _Probably, probably, Merlin shouldn't be gone at all!

_Enjoy having George as your manservant. He's very excited, and he is after all the best. He does all those things you keep telling me to do. You know, he's polite, quiet, actually does things without being asked. You should love him. _Arthur still hated the sarcasm that he felt practically dripping off the letter.

_Merlin_

Arthur gritted his teeth. He was going to kill Merlin when he got back. If George didn't kill him first. He frowned. He was going to enjoy having a quiet, respectful servant. He nodded to reassure himself. That's exactly what he wanted, a quiet, respectful servant.

He turned to face George. "I'm glad Merlin had the common sense to ask you to help me while he's gone. It should be nice to have a capable manservant for once."

George smiled and gave another short bow, and Arthur thought he saw a look of satisfaction flash over his face. "It's an honor to serve, your majesty." Arthur gave a short nod, and moved to the table where his breakfast was already laid out. And pretended that the silence didn't bother him.

* * *

Arthur wasn't sure if he was pleased or not. He was on time for training. He was never on time for training, what with Merlin's constant chatter, eternal clumsiness, and propensity for forgetting things, it normally took him much longer to get down to the training fields, But George had already had everything he needed laid out, everything was polished until it shone, and he hadn't made a single joke the whole time. It was all "If your honor would allow me." Or "If it would please your majesty." And it was polite and well mannered. And so unbelievably boring.

But even that wasn't what was bothering him. No, he was bothered by the fact that none of his Knights were here yet. Not even Sir Leon. And that was odd. They were normally all here before him. Although he was normally at least thirty minutes late. He supposed that that probably had something to do with it.

And so he waited impatiently. With that annoying silent manservant standing just to his left and just behind him. Merlin never remembered that as his servant he was supposed to stand behind. And now that someone was he found it highly disturbing. It was a little creepy having someone lurking in your blind spot.

He shook the feeling off as his knights showed up in a group. Laughing together. They seemed surprised to see him. And he thought he heard Gwaine complain about not having a chance for some early morning game.

Were they really so used to him being late? When Merlin came back they would need to have words.

His thoughts were interrupted by Gwaine's panicked questions. "Where's Merlin? Is he ok? Has something happened to him?" Several of the other knights glanced over, concern obviously shining in their eyes.

Arthur was surprised, although he didn't know why he should be. Before he could answer Mordred spoke up.

"He's taking a holiday." Arthur blinked in surprise.

"How did you know?"

Mordred shrugged, looking a bit abashed, and oddly slightly anxious. Arthur pushed that last though away and focused on the fact that Mordred had known that Merlin was on holiday.

Last Arthur had checked Merlin had been sending death glares at Mordred. It seemed odd that he would have told Mordred when he hadn't even told Gwaine. "He was practically bouncing up in down with delight when I ran into him in the hall. I asked, he told me."

Arthur supposed that made sense. Although it irritated him that Merlin had told Mordred, and had decided to tell him in a letter. Although Arthur thought that had Merlin told him in person he would have just given him a list of chores to do to delay him.

Gwaine looked offended. "And he didn't tell me? What is this? I would have totally skived off and gone with him." Arthur sent a disapproving look at Gwaine.

"You are a Knight of Camelot. You can't just leave to go on holiday whenever you feel like it."

Gwaine shrugged. "Probably wouldn't stop me though." Arthur frowned. No, it probably wouldn't stop Gwaine. "Plus, it's been awhile since me and Merlin have had a chance to have any fun." He let out a dramatic sigh. "I suppose I'll have to go and erase my depression in the tavern." Arthur just gave him a pointed look to the training field. Gwaine just laughed.

Leon however frowned a little. "Sire, has Merlin gone off on his own for Holiday?"

Arthur nodded. "I believe so."

Leon frowned. "You don't think that's wise do you? There have been rumors of a group of bandits in the area. And if Merlin's alone." He didn't finish his sentence.

Arthur froze. He hadn't even thought of that. "Merlin didn't ask permission, he just left a letter saying he had gone on holiday." He frowned. "We'll take a hunting trip out this afternoon. We need some good venison." He thought it odd that no one seemed at all scandalized about Merlin's blatant ignoring of the proper rules. Except George, he seemed to find it a personal affront. But he noted that several of his knights looked a little worried. He tried to ignore the wiggling of worry in his own mind. Merlin would be fine. And even if he wasn't, as king, Arthur really wasn't supposed to worry about his manservant while he was on holiday. But they really did need some venison.

He pushed away the thoughts, and started up training. He put Mordred with Gwaine, he knew it wasn't Mordred's fault that Merlin had told the new knight that he was going on Holiday, but it remained true that Merlin had told Mordred, not Arthur. And he was well aware that although Gwaine had apparently dropped the subject he was just as offended by Merlin's small slight as he was. He hesitated. It really wasn't fair to Mordred… but he didn't switch up the sparring partners.

* * *

Merlin had woken up early this morning for once. He supposed it helped that he was actually looking forward to today. Today was the first day of his holiday and he fully intended to enjoy every last moment of it. He had practically bounced to the kitchens to retrieve the food that Mary had packed for him and had been rather surprised by the large bundle awaiting him. Mary hadn't been there but Esmeralda was and she had insisted on adding a few more parcels of food to his bundle and then given him some breakfast all the time lecturing him on staying well fed during his holiday and making sure to get enough sun, but not to much sun of course. Merlin hadn't been allowed to leave until he promised not to do anything reckless and to be careful. Merlin had smiled and promised he'd stay safe. He wasn't sure their idea of safe was the same, but he decided not to mention that and made his timely, but polite, escape.

He had already collected everything and packed it onto the horse that he was going to borrow when he was hit with a moment of doubt. Was he really going to go on Holiday and leave the Kingdom's protection in _Mordred's _hands? He shifted uneasily for a moment. But then he remembered the bitterness and exhaustion that had become his constant companion's. He couldn't just keep going on like this. He Needed this break. He frowned. Gaius had said to give everyone a second chance. And Mordred had just stabbed Morgana… He shook his head, he was getting no where. He had already had this argument, and he… he just had to go.

He swung an old travelling cloak Gaius had let him borrow over his shoulders. He had been confused when Gaius had handed it to him and advised that he wear it. But Gaius had had a point. He was going to be traveling through some dangerous country, and since he was going to be alone than Merlin could easily use Magic to defend himself, the cloak would just make sure that no one actually knew who it was that had thrown the twenty feet into the air and magically tied them to a tree. Merlin was already planning interesting offensive and defensive measures he could take… He didn't actually have to be uber-subtle… He wouldn't be crazy or anything… just… a little… original. It got so boring making tree branches fall on people's heads.

He clambered onto his borrowed horse. And hesitated one more time. Maybe he should tell Gwaine that he was going. But he shook it off, Gwaine would probably decide to skive off and join him, and as much as Merlin loved his friend he needed to do this alone. Because Gwaine was his friend, but Gwaine had left him in that cave just as much as the rest of them had. Plus, Merlin hoped Gwaine would be able to help Mordred keep the king safe.

And with that thought he nudged the horse to set off. He was really doing this. He was really doing this... He was going on Holiday!

**AN: Isn't life wonderful. And bless Leon for remembering the bandits and worrying about Merlin. Of course it's not like a couple of bandits are really a match for a disguised Merlin who's free to use Magic... But it's the thought that counts... and it's not like Leon actually knows that.**

**I hope no one was bothered by any OOCness that I accidentally allowed to creep in... But I really don't know what goes on in all of their minds... Or any possible OOCness that may happen in the future... I swear it's unintentional!**

**I do hope you've enjoyed this chapter just a tiny bit... Do let me know.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Still don't own Merlin!  
However, I do have some questions at the end, if you could answer them about a few aspects of this piece and what direction to take it...**

**I'm going to try and update this and _Broken Past_ at least once a week... Try being the operative word. I can't promise which will be updated when, because my muse switches between the two...**

Merlin was whistling happily as he made his way towards Ealdor. It was his first day of holiday and so far everything was wonderful. He frowned briefly, he really shouldn't be this excited that he had gone a whole morning without any problems. It really shouldn't be that big of a deal. But it was true. He hadn't had any goblets thrown at him, any insults hurled his way, any chores listed out, and there had been no threats to deal with. It was all in all rather delightful.

He wasn't stupid though. Merlin figured that he would begin to miss Arthur and the knights at some point. They were his friends after all, despite their… well despite the fact that they all were rather insensitive to the fact that he was a human being at times. But again, they were his friends. There was probably some unspoken rule that they had to be a bit insensitive.

Merlin wondered what he should do first with his new freedom. He had several ideas floating around in his head… Of course he was going to spend a few days with his mother before he began his trip, and then… Merlin hesitated. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to do what he was planning.

He shrugged it off. Yes he did want to do this. He was going to go to Balinor's cave. Balinor had lived there for several years and he hadn't brought anything other than the wooden dragon with him when he had come to join them to stop Kilgharrah. Which meant that there had to be more in that cave, there had to be things left behind by Balinor. Of course someone could easily have found anything left behind in the years since Balinor had left… But Merlin had to look. He just had to check to see if there was anything left to tie him to his absent father. He also figured that while he was there he could talk to Kilgharrah to see if there was anything more that he could do for Aithusa. He was still haunted by the broken, speechless dragon he had seen in the caves at Ismere. And now that he had reestablished a bond with dragon their had to be a way to help her.

Of course he was also going to take some time at Freya's lake. And perhaps a little time with some various druids. Or he supposed he could even venture to the Perilous Lands and see if the Fisher King had left anything else interesting behind. He was starting to get excited. There was so much out there he could do… Maybe he could meet that strange bridge man again… He had seemed like an interesting fellow, and he had seemingly known more than he had said. He should probably also take a trip to the isle of the blessed, he had never really had a chance to look around there, always much to busy getting in and out of life and death situations. He wondered if Anhora's maze was still up, that would be another interesting place to visit. It would be nice to see another Unicorn, and if not it would be neat to talk to Anhora, when Anhora wasn't out for Camelot and Arthur… Although that was Arthur's fault.

Although Merlin was fairly certain that he would NOT be going to the crystal caves… probably… and if he did decide to go and talk to Taliesin he would not look into the crystals. He repressed a shudder before going back to pondering what all he could fit into his holiday.

He was brought out of his musings by four men blocking his path. Merlin gave a small sigh… Really? He wasn't even with Arthur and he still had to deal with idiot bandits. At least this time they hadn't seen the need to shoot him from the trees. Which now that he thought about he would definitely need to think of some sort of protection in case someone did try something of the sort. He tried to cast out his magic to see if there were any more men besides the four in front of him. He would really need to improve this skill, it would be rather handy. But he didn't _think_ there were any other men laying in wait.

One of the men took a menacing step forward (or at least Merlin assumed it was supposed to be menacing) "Give us your supplies and no one need get hurt."

Merlin snorted, loudly, "Why don't I quite believe that?" He responded sarcastically.

The man just leered at him "You can either give us your supplies and take the chance, or you can refuse and we can make your life very difficult."

Merlin pretended to ponder this, inwardly thanking Gaius for the excellent idea of wearing a cloak. "And what if I fight back?"

Two of the men guffawed loudly. "Yes, because a worthless thing like you could put up much of a fight."

Merlin just grinned, although the cowl of the cloak probably hid that from the idiots in front of him.

"Well, I certainly won't just up and give you that delicious apple pie the cook packed for me." He did love his apple pie. And the bandits would probably love some apple pie too. Well, if they hadn't been such idiots he might have been willing to share…

The first man took another menacing (supposedly) step forward. "Well ain't it a shame you don't really have a choice in the matter."

Merlin gave a small sigh. "I really would suggest that the four of you leave me alone. I have no desire to deal with you." Except he sort of did, because if he didn't stop them they would just continue to terrorize that random traveler, so it was really in his best interest that the idiots make an attempt on him.

Two of them men began to circle so they were behind him. Merlin just watched them wearily. Oh, this really was rather boring. Arthur would probably have already done something rash to annoy them… well more than Merlin had already annoyed them. Of course four bandits really weren't that difficult for Arthur to deal with, and hopefully there weren't any idiots out there who would attack a Knight of Camelot when there were just four of them.

Merlin cocked his head, momentarily distracted, actually they probably would attack, these men didn't exactly sound like the brightest bunch.

"We'll give you one more warning, give us your supplies or face the consequences." Merlin just stared at them. He was still on his horse. If he hadn't been planning on stopping these idiots he could easily have escaped by now.

"Hmm, I'm afraid I enjoy apple pie far to much to part from it without a fight." Mary's apple pie really was to die for. Not that he planned on dying.

"Fine." The lead guy made a gesture, Merlin spared a moment to wonder whether that gesture was supposed to have been subtle. If so the man had rather failed at that.

Merlin just sighed as they started towards him. His eyes flashed gold and he muttered softly under his breath.

One of the men tripped and found himself face first in a mud hole that hadn't been there a moment earlier. Merlin's eyes flashed again and two of the men found themselves hanging upside down in the middle of the air. The fourth man hesitated momentarily before lunging towards Merlin. Merlin merely let his eyes flash gold again to slow time and moved out of the enraged man's path. He allowed time to speed back up and the man lunged forward to find himself flailing at the suddenly moved Warlock. Merlin flashed his eyes again and forced the man and his muddy compatriot up so they to were hanging from the air. He really didn't want to kill the men. He suppressed a shudder. No, enough men had met their deaths at Merlin's magic. He had no desire to add any more. Instead he magicked up some rope and used magic to tie the still levitating men up. He ignored their threats and curses, it really wasn't very intimidating when they were hanging upside down and turning red in the face.

He set them none to gently back on the ground and frowned. Then used magic to tie them to a large tree. He used another spell to ensure that the men couldn't free themselves. He stared there looking thoughtfully at the men. It really wouldn't do to let them stay there tied up for to long, because he really didn't want to kill the men. But again, he didn't want to let them kill any other random travelers. He tried to remember when the patrol was supposed to pass through this area. He nodded to himself in satisfaction. One of the patrols was supposed to pass within the next day. Maybe a day and a half. That really was quite fortunate. He'd have to think of an alternative if he met any more bandits.

He magicked up some paper (why hadn't he been using this spell before? He hadn't really tried it since he had failed to magic up strawberries.) He pushed that thought aside and quickly wrote a message to the patrol.

_Dear Camelot Patrol,_

_How goes your fine afternoon? I am sorry for bothering you_ alright so maybe Merlin wasn't really that sorry, but his mother had always told him to be polite… _but these idiots thought that it would be excellent fun to terrorize me and demand my possessions. Of course I wasn't happy with the idea, and I quite firmly told them so… you see, I had apple pie with me, I do NOT just give up my apple pie _That really wasn't necessary for him to add, but it would both confuse and annoy whoever was in charge of the patrol…_ Of course I decided to ensure that they would leave me be, however I do not have any actual authority to deal with these men_ Not that that had ever stopped Merlin before… _ So I decided to leave them for you to deal with._

_A Citizen of Camelot_

_P.S. I fear the men might be a bit delusional… kept blabbering on and on about magic and what not. _Hopefully that would cast just a seed of doubt into the patrol when the men accused him of magic… He really didn't want to deal with patrols looking out for him… Not that they would know they were looking for him.

He took the note and wrapped it around a stick before shoving the stick into the dirt with the note nestled around the top. It was in front of the bandits and hopefully someone from the patrol would have the sense to actually read it… He had his doubts. Some of the things that got past those men…

It was a mockery of a hunting trip. And all of the Knights knew it. They just pretended that it wasn't a big deal that they weren't actually hunting, rather remaining on the path away from Camelot instead of creeping through the woods.

After all, the Knights had no problem acknowledging that they were actually going out to see if they could find Merlin, none of them were sure what they were going to do when they found Merlin, he was after all on Holiday. Actually that was a lie. Gwaine knew exactly what he was going to do when they found Merlin, he was going to join Merlin on Holiday. A few of the Knights had pretty much figured that out, they were just choosing to ignore the fact, after all the King had said that Gwaine was a Knight of Camelot and had duties to do, and just couldn't go and take a Holiday. Gwaine had a tendency to ignore the King at the best of times, and would definitely ignore the King if he thought it was in Merlin's interest.

They all knew it, it was just one of those things that got left unsaid. Like the fact that Arthur and Merlin were friends, or that Percival would procrastinate his duties to talk to children in the streets. They all had a similar case that was left unsaid.

Percival didn't think they would actually catch up with Merlin, Merlin had left early that morning, the Knights hadn't left until after training, although training had gotten cut off early… just because. Although it was possible, Merlin probably wasn't moving all that quickly while the Knights were keeping a rather quick pace. Arguably they would travel fast enough to catch up, but only if Merlin actually stayed on the path and didn't leave it, they wouldn't actually be able to tell if he left the path because there were already to many different tracks. And Percival knew Merlin. There was no way he would stay on the path the whole way. He would leave it to collect herbs, or help some poor soul, or just because he felt like leaving it. That was just Merlin.

But it wasn't like that mattered… this was a hunting trip after all, it would just be happenstance if they actually found Merlin. Yeah… right.

They hadn't traveled very far before Arthur called a halt. They stopped and could faintly her the sound of men yelling curses ahead of them. Arthur gestured at Gwaine and Leon to sneak through the back to see what was going on and report.

Leon and Gwaine nodded and moved off their horses and into the wood. Leon took the lead moving quietly. At least now they were sort of acting like it was a hunt. Almost.

They moved silently until they were even with the yells. They moved closer to the path, Leon couldn't see anyone on the path though, although he could still hear yelling.

Gwaine nudged him and pointed, Leon followed the path of his finger. Across the path there were several men tied to a tree. Two of them were yelling, another one looked as though he were about to strangle the other two, except he was tied to a tree, and the fourth looked as though he were taking a nap. Good man that, always smart to get some rest when the opportunity arises.

The two knights moved back to the rest of the group. "Four men tied to a tree Sir." Leon reported. Arthur gave a sigh. And the whole group proceeded up the path to where the four men were tied.

"What happened to the lot of you?" Arthur stared at the men.

They traded looks for a moment before one of the men finally spoke up. "I'm afraid that we were attacked by magical bandits sir, demanded all of our things and then when we refused to give our things up they hoisted us into the air without so much as touching us. It was terrifying, first being threatened and then being abused by magic! Of course, even with their magic it still took seven of them to take care of us!"

Gwaine snorted. These men were absolute idiots.

Mordred sent him a grin, he agreed full heartedly. Of course, he believed them about the magic. But that was only because he could feel the magic on the ropes keeping them from untying themselves. And since the magic felt strongly of Emrys it was fairly obvious that there weren't any magic bandits. Magic yes, Bandits… looking at the men, yes. But magic bandits? Not so much.

Arthur sighed and began to move towards the men. He wasn't sure that they were telling the truth, but he had no evidence to the contrary.

"Sire, wait!" He glanced back at Elyan who was moving towards a stick shoved into the ground.

"What?"

Elyan removed a piece of paper from where it was wrapped around the top of the stick.

"Someone's left a message!"

Arthur noted that the men shifted guiltily. "Well what does it say?"

Elyan cleared his throat.

_Dear Camelot Patrol,_

_How goes your fine afternoon? I am sorry for bothering you,_ _but these idiots thought that it would be excellent fun to terrorize me and demand my possessions. Of course I wasn't happy with the idea, and I quite firmly told them so… you see, I had apple pie with me, I do NOT just give up my apple pie. Of course I decided to ensure that they would leave me be, however I do not have any actual authority to deal with these men_. _So I decided to leave them for you to deal with._

_A Citizen of Camelot_

_P.S. I fear the men might be a bit delusional… kept blabbering on and on about magic and what not._

Gwaine snorted out loud. "Oh I like this man, do you reckon that if we catch up with him he'll share his apple pie?"

Mordred nodded, "That would be rather kind of him, he seems like a nice man."

Arthur sent an exasperated look towards Gwaine and Mordred before turning back to the men tied to the tree. "So are there magical bandits or are the bunch of you the actual bandits?"

The men glared at Arthur but didn't say anything. Finally one of the men spoke up. "We are NOT delusional. There really was magic."

Arthur just sighed. There went the search for Merl… the hunting trip, this was a hunting trip. Now he had to deal with idiot bandits. Although, if they were a part of a larger group of bandits this would end up being very fortuitous.

He turned back to the rest of the knights to tell them to secure the men for transportation to Camelot, to find that they were now all discussing whether or not they would share apple pie if they had some.

They were all idiots, they had four men who appeared to be bandits and could very well give them information about the larger group of bandits, and they were all standing there talking about apple pie.

Idiots.

**AN: I'd like some apple pie myself...  
Anyway 2 questions- 1-Where do you want Merlin to go during his holiday?  
2-Do you want Merlin to take action with Aithusa, bring her back to the "light side"? to be honest Aithusa sorta broke my heart and I want to save her... but, I'd also like to know what you think...**

**So let me know what you think about both questions, and well, about this chapter and story in general... Twould be kind of you!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hello! Here is chapter 4, I hope you like it. :D  
I still don't own Merlin... Just so you know.**

In the end they had been forced to return to Camelot. No one mentioned that they hadn't brought back any game. It was probably just bad luck.

They had taken the three men to the nearest village to see if anyone could identify these men as bandits. It was bad form to just take the word of some random person who may or may not have magic, depending on whether the three men were to believed. And since it was discovered that the men were bandits none of the knights gave much stock to anything they said. Except Mordred, but in this case he really didn't count.

Mordred actually almost felt bad for Arthur and the Knights. They were under the impression that Emrys was on vacation traveling through bandit infested forest without any sort of protection. In reality he was far safer than he would be with the knights.

Mordred was also starting to worry. Except, he wasn't sure why. But he had developed this sudden… paranoia. Well, more paranoia than any magical person already had when living in Camelot. But he found himself looking for enemies everywhere. How in the world was he supposed to know who was out to kill the king? And when he found out, how was he supposed to stop them? And had Emrys been serious when he had mentioned plagues?

He wasn't sure he liked this secret magical protector of Camelot malarkey very much… except it showed that Emrys trusted him. And that was worth the sudden stress Mordred was feeling.

He should probably ask Gaius how exactly this whole thing worked. Did Emrys have some sort of systematic approach that helped him uncover threats? He almost wished something would happen, that would be better than wondering when and if something would happen.

Merlin on the other hand was feeling absolutely relaxed. He was enjoying the time in Ealdor with is mother, he hadn't had to deal with any REAL threats, the bandits were relatively boring and easy to deal with. Particularly since he didn't actually look like a very prosperous target, nor a very dangerous one. There really was something to be said for being constantly underestimated.

But he knew he couldn't stay in Ealdor for long. He needed to be on his way… He wanted a vacation. But he didn't really feel like he should stay away from Camelot for to long. He already knew where he was going to go first. He wanted to visit Balinor's cave and have a little chat with Kilgharrah to see what they could do for Aithusa.

He felt that the sooner he acted in regards to the white dragon the better off he would be. Which is why after only two days with his mother he was already heading off. He had used a little magic to ensure that his mother had enough wood to last her a while and he had even used a little magic to make her bed a little more comfortable and the cottage walls a little more durable. Sometimes he loved magic!

He had kept at a quick and steady pace and made it to Balinor's cave within a half day's ride. He was supremely grateful that he didn't have to deal with anyone trying to kill him this time. But then again this time he didn't have Arthur with him, he had very little doubt that had Arthur been with him someone would have already tried to kill him. There was some unspoken rule that stated it. Or Arthur was cursed. Which was actually a rather viable option. He'd have to check that out when he got back to Camelot. Maybe there was some danger attracting spell on the idiot.

He moved slowly into Balinor's cave and he looked around. It looked empty, and Merlin knew that it had been years since Balinor had lived here, even if he had left anything behind it was quite likely that someone else had camped in the cave and made off with anything that was left.

But Merlin couldn't deny the strong feeling that practically screamed at him that he had to come here. He had to at least check.

And so he continued further into the cave, it was deeper than he had realized the last time he was here, grant it the last time he was here Arthur was injured, Camelot was burning, and he was face to face with his father for the very first time. So Merlin thought he had a right to have missed a couple of facts.

Something on the cave wall caught his eye and he moved closer, casting a spell to create a glowing blue light to hang above him.

He stared at the wall. There etched in stone was a magnificent dragon, he instinctively knew it was Kilgharrah, below the dragon were several smaller dragons etched in stone. Merlin felt his heart clench a little. Of course, Balinor would have known more dragons than just Kilgharrah. Before the great purge there had been many more of them. He moved closer so he could better see the sketches, and saw that he was right, the biggest dragon had the name Kilgharrah etched into the wall below it, he bent to see the names sketched below the three other dragons, the first was Corignis, the second was Volantesani, and the third was Sertumliba. He ran his hand softly over the sketches. It was beautiful and heart-wrenching. As his hand ran over the sketch of Corignis he felt as though he could see the real dragon, a gold dragon, smaller than Kilgharrah but still magnificent, in his mind eye he could see him flying through the sky, fire spewing from his jaws into the surrounding night. He thought he heard a whisper in his mind _'I am the Heart of Fire, you're heart has been forged and tempered in the flames of despair and pain and is acceptable to me young warlock, take courage and believe, all is not lost.'_ But even as he heard the words the voice faded with the mental image. He took a sharp breath and drew his hand away from the wall.

He had felt the dragon in his mind. Not like he heard Kilgharrah or Mordred, but more like an echo. He didn't understand. But it was unsettling.

But it didn't stop him from putting his hand back on the wall to skim over the second sketched dragon. Immediately another image pierced his mind. This dragon was white, but not the pure white of Aithusa but a more silvery white, this dragon was flying much like the first but this time he could almost feel the wind rushing past him, he could feel the dragon's delight at being in the sky. Again a voice echoed in his mind, this one distinctly female. _'I am the Flying Soul, you're soul has learned to rise above the darkness and into the light, and is found choice by me. Do not doubt the souls of others, all is not lost.'_ The echo died in his mind and the image again vanished. This time Merlin didn't hesitate as his hand moved onto the third etching.

A beautiful gold dragon appeared in his mind. It was crouched on a mountain tip staring straight at him, Merlin felt as though the golden eyes were seeing into his very soul, and he was hit with an overpowering feeling of awe, the dragon radiated wisdom and power. It reminded him of Kilgharrah, but older sadder. A soft quiet voice entered his mind and he was again filled with the thought of wisdom and power. _'I am a Speaker of Destiny, I have foreseen the loss of the dragons and magic users and have seen my own death, and you young warlock have been marked by destiny and are found worthy by me. Now heed my words that echo through time, a chance must always be given, love and faith must never be forgotten, and every destiny has a choice to be decided, none are set in stone. Remember young warlock. Even destiny is a choice. All is not lost._

The voice faded from his mind and Merlin sank to the ground the image of the ancient golden dragon still in his mind's eye as he lost consciousness.

He regained consciousness slowly to find himself curled up nest to the cave wall. He sat up and stretched, staring at the sketches once more. That had to be among one of the strangest experiences he'd had in a while, which was saying a lot since quite a bit of his life was strange. While unconscious the words of all three dragons had echoed in his mind until he doubted he could forget any of them even if he tried. Not that he was going to try.

But he would have to talk to Kilgharrah about the whole experience, he was sure to have some words of wisdom to share.

But first he was going to finish looking through the cave and getting something to eat. He was glad that he hadn't eaten all of the apple pie yet, he could definitely use some of that right about now.

He moved farther back into the cave watching the walls closely for any more sketches, he had taken several minutes to admire sketches of a Camelot and one that he was sure was his mother. He was grateful that he hadn't had any more visions after touching them, these sketches were just that-sketches. Although to be fair, he wasn't quite sure what the other sketches were either other than sketches. Magical sketches?

He was surprised that when he got to the back of the cave he found a crevice with enough space for a man to slip thorough, he hesitated for just one moment to slide through himself, he found himself in another cave, about the size of a closet, someone had taken the stone walls and attempted to carve out shelves. He felt himself smile tremulously. There on the shelves were things that belonged to his father. There were several carved dragons. Most were small, but one or two were the size of his head. There were another few carvings of a woman, and Merlin was fairly sure that they were of his mother. It clenched at his heart, Balinor had loved his mother, and yet he had been forced to leave her, to live his life in a cave alone and bitter. He moved slowly to the shelves with the carvings on them, running his hand over the different carvings. They spoke of hours of careful and dedicated work. They were more detailed than his own carving, but that was to be understood, his had been made rather quickly but no less lovingly. He stared at the carvings, trying to estimate how many he could take with him. He grinned a little… if he used magic he could probably take all of them with him. His mother would be delighted to have some, Gaius would be delighted to have some. Merlin knew he was going to be delighted to have some. He felt a course of excitement run through him. This was better than anything had had even hoped for.

He shifted so he faced the shelves on the other side, they were mostly empty other than a cloak resting on one side. He was a little surprised, he would have thought that Balinor would have brought something of this sort with him. He reached out to touch the cloak and was a little surprised at how soft it felt at first touch. He picked it up and unfolded it. He stared at it surprised. It was a very fine cloak, and he could feel magic running through it's dark blue fibers, promising protection and warmth. It hit him that his father hadn't always been on the run and living in caves, he had had a life before the great purge and he was holding a remnant of that. He hesitated momentarily before shifting the cloak he was borrowing from Gaius off and swinging his father's cloak on. He closed his eyes as he could literally feel the magic gather around him, warming him in more ways than one. With his eyes closed he could almost feel his father there. Gently smoothing out any wrinkles and smiling with pride. It was an exhilarating feeling and it made him feel stronger just wearing it. He moved out of the cave closet and back into the main cave. It was time to call Kilgharrah.

He sat by the edge of the stream patiently waiting for Kilgharrah to arrive. He was actually a little surprised when Kilgharrah arrived, it hadn't taken the dragon as long as Merlin had thought it would. Kilgharrah landed gently, which always surprised Merlin, for something so large Kilgharrah was supremely graceful.

"Is there a reason you are so far from Camelot, Young Warlock?"

Merlin shifted uncomfortably. He hadn't thought about what Kilgharrah would think about his rather hastily decided upon holiday. "Er, Well, I'm on holiday."

Kilgharrah blinked. "On holiday? I see, and who is protecting Camelot while you are… on holiday?"

Merlin fidgeted a little. "Well… Mordred."

Kilgharrah reared up. "You have left the protection of Camelot in the hands of the mand destined to kill the Once and Future King?"

"No destiny is set in stone." The words slipped from his mouth without his conscious permission.

Kilgharrah settled again and gave him an appraising look. "That is true. Nothing in life is, not even destiny. Some are just more set than others." Kilgharrah shifted to look at Merlin more closely, "And what have you done to receive the touch of Corignis, Volantesani, and Sertumliba." Kilgharrah sounded both surprised and sad.

Merlin hesitated, "This is where my father was living before he died, he had sketched four dragons into the cave walls, I touched them and…" he hesitated "I could see them, and feel them, and hear them. They felt so alive…"

Kilgharrah nodded slightly. "They are creatures of magic, even after death there mark never truly leaves the earth. They stay behind in the very fabric of magic. What did they tell you?"

Merlin closed his eyes focusing internally. _"I am the Heart of Fire, you're heart has been forged and tempered in the flames of despair and pain and is acceptable to me young warlock, take courage and believe, all is not lost." _

He paused momentarily,_ "I am the Flying Soul, you're soul has learned to rise above the darkness and into the light, and is found choice by me. Do not doubt the souls of others, all is not lost." _

He took a deep breath_, "I am a Speaker of Destiny, I have foreseen the loss of the dragons and magic users and have seen my own death, and you young warlock have been marked by destiny and are found worthy by me. Now heed my words that echo through time, a chance must always be given, love and faith must never be forgotten, and every destiny has a choice to be decided, none are set in stone. Remember young warlock. Even destiny is a choice. All is not lost."_

Kilgharrah nodded slowly. "All dragons are blessed with wisdom, Sertumliba more than most. She was the greatest and the oldest before her death. It would be foolish for either of us to ignore her words." He hesitated momentarily. "Perhaps it was wise of you to leave the kingdom with Mordred, you are giving him a chance to choose his destiny. There are many paths he may follow."

Merlin frowned up at Kilgharrah, "Then why were you so adamant that he would kill Arthur and destroy Camelot?"

Kilgharrah appeared to frown, "As you have heard, even destiny is a choice, but there are some choices which appear so strongly in time that they are the paths most likely to be followed. Your destiny is one of the strongest weaved in time that it is almost set in stone. The witch's was possibly just as strong as yours, the druid boy's was not as strong, but strong enough that it deserved caution. With the witches path so clearly chosen it merely strengthened the boy's." he paused "But even now his path wavers, your actions have the power to shift him onto a different path."

Merlin grunted, great, just what he needed, more pressure. He frowned, "Does this mean that had I chosen to act differently I could have saved Morgana?"

Kilgharrah frowned down at him, "Do you not remember, even at the beginning of your time here, even before the witch Morgause, Morgana attempted to kill the King, her anger and hatred was to deep for even you to overcome, it had been growing within her far before your paths ever crossed. It is possible that you could have delayed her turn, but it was to late for you to change it. You would have only ended up giving her an advantage. Uther pushed her onto her path a long time ago, you carry enough weight, do not give yourself anymore."

Merlin nodded, only partially relieved, it's not like he could just get rid of the guilt he had been carrying around for so long all at once.

Kilgharrah shifted again, "But that is not why you called me, is it Young Warlock?"

Merlin nodded, right, of course, Aithusa. "No, I have seen Aithusa, but at the time I was not able to help her, she had been badly injured and could not talk, I hoped that, now that I had reconnected with her, I would be able to better call her to me, but I did not want to do so without you here, I was not sure at the wisdom of calling her to me. What do you think?"

Kilgharrah straightened, "You have seen the youngling?" Merlin nodded, "Then perhaps it is time we try to call her to us."

**AN:I hope this is... Ok. It just sort of wrote itself, and I hope you like it ok! Let me know!**

**And really, let me know what you want to happen with Aithusa!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Yes, you can get mad at me. I undoubtedly deserve it. I finally update and nothing really happens in this chapter. Have no fear though, I've got great plans for the next chapter.  
**

**Anyways, let's get the standard things out of the way. I do not own Merlin, never have, unfortunately, never will. (If that changes I'll be sure to let you know.)**

**But here's another chapter. The next chapter won't take three months to update.**

**I hope.**

Gaius was a little annoyed. The first morning after Merlin left for his holiday had been nice and quiet. The afternoon was likewise, although Gaius was fairly certain that was because Arthur had taken the knights on a 'hunting' trip. Apparently the road that led in the direction of Ealdor had been terrorized a good deal by bandits recently. The hunting trip was nothing more than the knights looking for an excuse to look for Merlin. And either A) Convince him that he didn't really need a holiday and he ought to come back to Camelot. (Arthur) B) Escort him to Ealdor to keep him safe from the bandits… It was almost endearing that they felt so protective of Merlin, even if it was a little over the top and completely unnecessary. (Most of the Knights) or C) Join him on holiday (Gwaine).

But this morning… That was a different matter entirely. He was busy making a cough potion for Sir Ellis when Arthur came in.

"So… did he gave you a time frame for his holiday?"

"No Sir, he did not."

"It is going to be a short holiday won't it?"

"I wouldn't know sir." Although with the way Merlin had been feeling, and all of the pressure… it would probably be a long holiday. But he wasn't actually going to tell the King that.

Arthur sighed and headed towards the door. As he left Gaius heard him mutter. "Only been two days and I've already heard seven brass jokes. They shouldn't even qualify as jokes, they aren't funny."

Gaius shook his head; of course Merlin had mentioned that he was going to send George to Arthur… Gaius was pretty sure it was revenge for all the times that Arthur told him to be a proper servant. Merlin really disliked the very thought of becoming some 'bootlicking prat'.

Gaius shook his head, he really needed to get this cough potion to Sir Ellis, and than he needed to make something to alleviate a fever, he had run out yesterday and there were still several guards with a fever.

He returned from Sir Ellis to find Gwaine in his chambers.

"Gaius!"

"Gwaine." He gave the knight an appraising glance. He didn't see any injuries. "Are you injured?"

Gwaine looked affronted, "Me? No of course not."

"Do you need another headache cure for a hangover then?"

Gwaine laughed, "No. Not today anyway." Gaius held in a sigh, but likely tomorrow and the day after.

Gaius raised one eyebrow, "Then what might I ask do you need?"

"Oh, well, I was wondering…"

"No, I do not know how long Merlin will be gone."

Gwaine frowned, "You don't? He didn't tell anyone how long he was going to be gone? How are we supposed to know when it's ok to be worried about him?"

"I am sure that he will be fine."

Gwaine sighed, "I know."

Gaius nodded to him as he began collecting the herbs he would need for the fever-alleviating potion. He waited several minutes before turning to Gwaine.

"Are you sure there is nothing I can do to help you?" He tried to keep his irritation in check. The knight was just sitting there fidgeting!

Gwaine sighed, "You don't happen to know why Merlin chose not to tell me that he was leaving do you?"

Gaius sighed, but didn't answer. It wasn't his place to say really.

"You do know don't you."

"I'm not sure it's my place to say."

"Can you tell me if it's just me, or if it's people in general?"

Gaius turned to him, and gave him a wan smile, "Merlin is not angry at you Gwaine, he still considers you one of his greatest friends."

Gwaine looked relieved, "He does?"

"Yes, he just needs time for himself. I am sure that is the only reason he did not tell you."

Gwaine practically beamed "Thanks Gaius!"

He moved to leave. "Oh, Gwaine, since you're here, could you collect some feverfew, dittany and monkshood for me?"

Gwaine hesitated, obviously trying to think of the nicest way to say 'no'. Gaius gave him a small smile, "Merlin normally does it for me, in fact sometimes he would go out of his way to collect herbs for me, and since he's not here…" Gwaine capitulated.

"Of course I will…" Gaius heard him mutter, "I'm going to make Percival come with me, I have no clue what feverfew, dittany and monkshood actually look like."

Gaius smiled; perhaps he could get one of the knights to clean out his leech tank too.

He was distracted from his fever potion again when Mordred knocked on his door hesitantly. "Gaius, do you have a moment."

"Of course Mordred, take a seat at the table."

Mordred moved in hesitantly, which Gaius found strange, from what he had seen of the new knight he seemed rather self assured, not this hesitant boy he was seeing now.

Mordred glanced around. "I was wondering…"

"No, I do not know when Merlin will be back."

Mordred looked surprised, "Oh no, that's not what I was going to ask." He blinked "Not that I don't care, I just assume he'll be back whenever he feels like being back. I know he can take care of himself after all."

Gaius blinked once. "Of course, It's just I have been asked that question several times today and merely assumed that you to wanted to know." Several times was a bit of an understatement, Arthur, Gwen, and Gwaine were just a few. A few of the other servants had stopped to ask him, several of the maids blushing as they did so, it was painfully obvious to Gaius that they were quite smitten with his ward, not that Merlin would ever notice, some of the villagers Merlin was close to had also stopped him, and even a few guards, Gaius decided to ignore the fact that the guards that had stopped him were often on dungeon duty. There was no need for him to worry about the fact that Merlin was particularly good friends with them. And he was fairly certain that Gwaine had come not only for his own curiosity but also as a spokesman for the other knights.

He brought himself out of his thoughts and back to the knight in front of him. "Well, is there something I can help you with then?"

Mordred took a breath. "Yes. I was wondering if you could tell me how exactly Merlin goes about with the whole protecting Arthur and Camelot job."

Gaius opened his mouth to answer but stopped before he could say anything. "Well, he… well you see… Well…" How did Merlin go about the whole protecting Arthur and Camelot.

"First off I suppose he doubts practically everyone that comes to Camelot." He frowned slightly, "And then he'll decide to randomly follow people if he feels that they are even somewhat suspicious. He also has a tendency of sneaking into their rooms to look for evidence."

"How does he know to sneak into their rooms or follow someone?"  
Gaius hesitated, "Well, if they've shown themselves to be shifty, or if Merlin just feels like he ought to." He sighed a little bit, "To be honest Merlin seems to have this sixth sense for danger, quite a lot of it is luck and constant suspicion."

"What about… well, attacks and plagues and magical beasts?"  
Gaius frowned thoughtfully. "A lot of research, and then he has to either keep Arthur far away from the source so he can sneak off and handle it, or allow Arthur and the knights to think that they're the ones who are successfully dealing with the source while in reality he handles it from the sidelines."

Mordred nodded. "So what you're saying is there is nothing I can really do except to no trust anyone and handle things pretty much last minute."

Gaius shrugged, "Pretty much I suppose."

Mordred sighed, "Is Merlin paranoid?"

"Paranoid? No, I wouldn't say that." Gaius hesitated, "Alright, so maybe a little paranoid."

"So I really shouldn't be offended by the fact that he doesn't trust me? He doesn't trust anyone."

"He trusted you enough to leave Camelot's protection in your hands."

Mordred hesitated. "What was that? I know he doesn't completely trust me, I suppose a part of me understands that, last time we met I was helping a group of rebels. But what made him change his mind."

Gaius hmmed thoughtfully, "Merlin is a good man, but over time there have been enough betrayals and traitors that he finds it difficult to truly trust anyone unless they've completely proved themselves, and sometimes, for reasons outside of their control, that's not always enough. But like I said before, Merlin often acts on instinct, he trusts his sixth sense. He may not know why he's decided to trust you; if he did he hasn't shared those reasons with me. Although the fact that you stabbed Morgana probably helps. But his instincts probably screamed for him to trust you this time."

Mordred sighed, "And later he might change his mind again."

"It's possible." He paused for a moment "He's doing his best Mordred, but he's only one man, and sometimes the pressure is to much for him. Give him time, and he'll come to fully trust you."

"You trust me."

"If Merlin felt that you are trustworthy enough to watch after the kingdom in his absence than I feel you must be trustworthy."

Mordred gave him a thoughtful look. "Thank you. I'll prove to Merlin that he made the right choice in trusting me."

Gaius smiled at him, "if you need help feel free to come to me." He gestured at his books, "You'd be surprised at all of the information that you can find in these books."

Mordred smiled at him. "Thank you again." He sighed, "Hopefully there will be no need."

Gaius smiled at him, "Hopefully indeed!"

Mordred gave him a small bow and left the room. Gaius sighed, for some reason he had the horrible suspicion that that wouldn't be the case.

Things just had the tendency of going wrong here.

**AN: Yeah, like I said, not my best chapter, but I finally decided that it had to be posted so I could go on and write a better one. **

**And the next chapter will be, I hope. I'm planning on having Aithusa in it. :D Big plans! Let's just hope they work out!**

**Anyway, read and review, any suggestions will be gladly taken into consideration!**

**Adios!**


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